What if you cut up a watermelon and instead of water it was randy jackson. Randymelon
Lupin: Severus, you're late, what's wrong today? You look as if you've seen a ghost; some wine and say what's going on!
Snape: A ghost you say? I must agree. She was just like a ghost to me. One minute there and she was gone.
Lockhart: I am agog! I am aghast! Is Severus in love at last? I've never seen him ooh and aah
Snape: (quietly) no, please...
Lockhart: You say the Dark Lord's on the run, and in he comes like Don Juan! It's better than an opera!
romancndleheart: tonyhawksunderground2: DO THIS TRUST ME IT’S AWESOME WHY AM I LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD OH MY GOD Who the hell are the people just dancing around the edges who don’t know where to go XD
killjason: lookslikeazipper: Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK...
The road goes ever on and on, Down from the door where it began Now far ahead...– J.R.R. Tolkein
the-rest-in-trumpets: katswhiskers: velvetonions: imagine a milkshake place called “shakesperience” where all the milkshake flavours are named after puns of shakespeare plays Oreothello Rolo and Juliet Macberry Mars Ado About Nothing Antonutella and Cleopatra Merchocolate of Venice Two Gentlemint of Verona Richerry III It would bringeth all the gentlemen to the yard.
I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not...– Isaac Asimov (via skinnybaras)
An experimentation atomical Has disproved an assumption quite comical So the new molecule Is no longer as cóol As these theories so economical.
As great Xenophon said of Meno Who befriended the things from below, To be legally cruel Needed honor and rule Quite a dangerous pairing, we know.
thelilnan: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE OKAY AJAX SOAP THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE” AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE
I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective...– -Albert Einstein, 1950 (via cynyr)
casualfangirling: she-wants-the-doitsu: whendaybreaks: nicolasandthecage: when i erase a word with a pencil where does it go are you okay They turn into those eraser shavings and then you swipe them off your desk and they land on the floor and someone steps on them and they stick on their shoe and eventually the person goes home so right now your word is at someones house maybe its...
superblys: Do you. bite your thumb. at us, sir? I do bite. my thumb, sir. DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT US, SIR? Is the law of our side, if I say ay? No. NO, SIR, I DO NOT BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR, BUT I BITE MY THUMB, SIR. DO YOU QUARREL, SIR? QUARREL SIR! NO, SIR.
luginub: I just heard a girl outside yell “PARKOUR” really loudly immediately followed by a dull thud on the ground and a softer “ugh” and I’m laughing really hard
pahnem: mercuriesrising: aparticularlygoodfinder: Go to Starbucks. Order coffee for “Prisoner 24601” When they call out your order, jump up and yell “My name is Jean Valjean!” And if the barista replies with “AND I’M JAVERT,” you tip that motherfucker so hard you tip them right over the edge of a bridge you fucking didn’t
O Fairest Fandom
They speak in verse to everyone in sight Spout sentences iambic left and right Their one-true-pairings fall to tragedy And each one knows “to be, or not to be” Abbreviated names they seem to hear Uncommon terms like “Midsummer” or “Lear” Their “you’s” are always changed to thee and thine, And each brave heart knows love is their divine ...
lnfamy: dont you fucking talk shit about garlic bread
betzine: emilysername: I don’t care if I’m the only one in it, but I aim to have a Shakespeare fandom. It will happen, no one can stop us, we will take over the world with out awesome 17th century wit. All members of said Shakespeare fandom please reblog. This is something I need in my life. SHAKESPEARE FANDOM ROLL CALL
allaboutmary: The joyful Marian antiphon Regina...
falco-lombardi: steampunk fashion tip: hot glue a pocket watch to your fucking eye. just fucking do it you piece of shit
Positive alternative to “the walk of shame”:
wine-diaries: princess-pantsu: whiskey-memories: “Got Laid Parade” “Stride of Pride” “Post-Cock Walk” “Just-Touched-A-Butt Strut” “Took Off My Pants Dance” “G-Spot Trot” “Had Fun With the Clit, Time to Split” i like this. Got Laid Parade! favorite!!