May 2013
10 posts
What if you cut up a watermelon and instead of water it was randy jackson. Randymelon
9 tags
Lupin: Severus, you're late, what's wrong today? You look as if you've seen a ghost; some wine and say what's going on!
Snape: A ghost you say? I must agree. She was just like a ghost to me. One minute there and she was gone.
Lockhart: I am agog! I am aghast! Is Severus in love at last? I've never seen him ooh and aah
Snape: (quietly) no, please...
Lockhart: You say the Dark Lord's on the run, and in he comes like Don Juan! It's better than an opera!
Snape: (weeping)
romancndleheart:
tonyhawksunderground2:
DO THIS TRUST ME IT’S AWESOME
WHY AM I LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD OH MY GOD
Who the hell are the people just dancing around the edges who don’t know where to go XD
killjason:
lookslikeazipper:
Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK...
1 tag
“The road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead...”
– J.R.R. Tolkein
the-rest-in-trumpets:
katswhiskers:
velvetonions:
imagine a milkshake place called “shakesperience” where all the milkshake flavours are named after puns of shakespeare plays
Oreothello
Rolo and Juliet
Macberry
Mars Ado About Nothing
Antonutella and Cleopatra
Merchocolate of Venice
Two Gentlemint of Verona
Richerry III
It would bringeth all the gentlemen to the yard.
April 2013
40 posts
“I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not...”
– Isaac Asimov (via skinnybaras)
Structured Composition
An experimentation atomical
Has disproved an assumption quite comical
So the new molecule
Is no longer as cóol
As these theories so economical.
Archein
As great Xenophon said of Meno
Who befriended the things from below,
To be legally cruel
Needed honor and rule
Quite a dangerous pairing, we know.
Solvitur ambulando
thelilnan:
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE
OKAY
AJAX SOAP
THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE”
AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT
AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH
AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE
“I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective...”
– -Albert Einstein, 1950 (via cynyr)
casualfangirling:
she-wants-the-doitsu:
whendaybreaks:
nicolasandthecage:
when i erase a word with a pencil where does it go
are you okay
They turn into those eraser shavings and then you swipe them off your desk and they land on the floor and someone steps on them and they stick on their shoe and eventually the person goes home so right now your word is at someones house
maybe its...
superblys:
Do you. bite your thumb. at us, sir? I do bite. my thumb, sir. DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT US, SIR? Is the law of our side, if I say ay? No. NO, SIR, I DO NOT BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR, BUT I BITE MY THUMB, SIR. DO YOU QUARREL, SIR? QUARREL SIR! NO, SIR.
luginub:
I just heard a girl outside yell “PARKOUR” really loudly immediately followed by a dull thud on the ground and a softer “ugh” and I’m laughing really hard
pahnem:
mercuriesrising:
aparticularlygoodfinder:
Go to Starbucks. Order coffee for “Prisoner 24601”
When they call out your order, jump up and yell “My name is Jean Valjean!”
And if the barista replies with “AND I’M JAVERT,” you tip that motherfucker so hard
you tip them right over the edge of a bridge
you fucking didn’t
6 tags
O Fairest Fandom
They speak in verse to everyone in sight
Spout sentences iambic left and right
Their one-true-pairings fall to tragedy
And each one knows “to be, or not to be”
Abbreviated names they seem to hear
Uncommon terms like “Midsummer” or “Lear”
Their “you’s” are always changed to thee and thine,
And each brave heart knows love is their divine
...
lnfamy:
dont you fucking talk shit about garlic bread
betzine:
emilysername:
I don’t care if I’m the only one in it, but I aim to have a Shakespeare fandom. It will happen, no one can stop us, we will take over the world with out awesome 17th century wit. All members of said Shakespeare fandom please reblog. This is something I need in my life.
SHAKESPEARE FANDOM ROLL CALL
allaboutmary:
The joyful Marian antiphon Regina...
5 tags
falco-lombardi:
steampunk fashion tip: hot glue a pocket watch to your fucking eye. just fucking do it you piece of shit
Positive alternative to “the walk of shame”:
wine-diaries:
princess-pantsu:
whiskey-memories:
“Got Laid Parade”
“Stride of Pride”
“Post-Cock Walk”
“Just-Touched-A-Butt Strut”
“Took Off My Pants Dance”
“G-Spot Trot”
“Had Fun With the Clit, Time to Split”
i like this. Got Laid Parade! favorite!!
